Tuesday was the bad day. Right after teaching my first class of the evening, Charles told me that Miss Kathy passed away Monday night. Miss Kathy was my first pointe teacher, a beautiful person inside and out, and one of my inspirations for teaching now. Although I only had her for four years, she truly made an impact on my life. I admire her sternness while teaching, yet her heart for her students. I admire her choreography and remember watching all the "big girls" dance when I was younger, wishing someday I'd be as good as them. I admire her sense of humor in class and out. I remember one time we were doing a spin on the floor on our butts. I happened to be wearing a striped blue shirt (think early 90s) and I commented on how I dance better in this shirt I was wearing than other shirts. Miss Kathy looked at me for a moment, then we both laughed. It wasn't the stripes that made any difference, it was really the length of the tshirt, but it just came out wrong. It's funny the things you remember after losing someone.
This just really puts life into perspective...and it's sad it takes someone passing away to realize. Life is too precious and we (I) take too many things for granted. I wish there was some way to convey to the dancers I teach now how I'm feeling. They don't know Miss Kathy, or what her legend is. Some of them barely even know of her. How do I use such a horrible event and turn it around to inspire them? Miss Kathy was not old, she didn't have any health problems until recently. One day, she just woke up and couldn't walk...and it was all downhill from there. What would my dancers do if they couldn't dance anymore? I know being at rehearsal 6 hours every Friday and Saturday is almost torturous...but if you physically couldn't be there, how would you feel? There's no excuse making when you're dead.
I'm more worried now, then before, about Miss Joy too. She's not getting any better...she's actually getting worse. She gets so tired before her transfusions...can barely walk or stay awake. I'm so worried that someday she won't be around anymore. As distraught as I am over Miss Kathy, Miss Joy is even a step beyond that. Sometimes I would see her more than I see my own mother. She would be like a mother dying...
Wednesday was the good day! I went to take a blood test this morning to see where my hormone levels are at...talk about nerves! And then waiting for the results was torture! As it turns out, my thyroid is still normal. My testosterone is normal. And my estradiol (?? something to do with estrogen?, Dr said if it's over 100 that I should come in for an ultrasound to check follicle size again and possibly get a trigger shot to induce ovulation) is at 232!!! According to the lab results, I could ovulate anytime in the next 2-3 days. I literally cried when I read the results. Finally, I feel like someone has thrown me a bone! So, I have a message in to the dr.'s office to hopefully get an ultrasound done tomorrow. Eric comes home from Colorado tomorrow night...and we'll go from there!
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