Off day

I actually had two full days off in a row this weekend! It felt amazing to be able to sleep in two. Days. In. A. Row!!!

Why was today so off then? I started thinking about our TTC journey again. Luckily the past few weeks have been so busy that I haven't had time to think about it too much. Today, however, was not the same. E went out to get lunch for us and had just spoken to his cousin when he got home. He asked, "do you want to hear the pregnancy news?" I just sighed and said K is pregnant, isn't she? An exchange of glances between us, and the frustrated feeling came back. I am beyond happy for them because I know E's cousin has wanted kids for a while now...but at the same time I can't help feeling like the entire world is pregnant except for me.

I know eventually we will have a baby, but eventually cannot come soon enough! It's cd15 today...and I'm starting to lose hope in this first cycle on clomid. I had such high hopes in the beginning, but as each day passes with no smiley face on the opk, I feel more and more defeated. I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying to keep myself busy...I just wish there were some sort of sign right now to let me know if this is working...or if it's going to be a while.

On the plus side, the next two weeks are going to be extremely busy and go by really fast. I have studio pictures to work at all weekend and then our team show the following weekend. Either way, by then I'll know what next month holds.

Competition, check!

The dance team I co-direct had a big competition this past weekend. Everything went well and I am really proud of how my dancers danced. I am not however, proud of the attitudes the younger ones exhibited. Hopefully my co-director and I can give them a swift kick in the pants to knock some sense into them...not something I like doing, but have you ever tried teaching diva dancers? Ugh, the worst!

So now onto the next big thing...3 weeks until our team show. We still have to finish a few dances, then start and finish another one, and have everything clean and ready for stage. It's a huge task, but we've done it before. I just know that means long hours in the studio for the next few weeks. I keep telling Hubby I'll see him at the end of June.

I took my last clomid pill this morning. No real side effects to speak of, so that's a good sign for now. Now it's up to my body to do it's job...keep your fingers crossed for me. I said before I had a gut feeling clomid would work, but now that we're right in the midst of this cycle, I'm starting to feel nervous...like I'm going to be so let down if it doesn't work like I thought. Even if there's no BFP this cycle, I would at least like to see a clear temp shift, meaning my body's working properly. I guess by the time my next show comes around, I'll know if the clomid worked or not. Here's hoping I have a happy post for next time!

First post

I've been wanting to start a blog for a while now...really just to keep track of my very hectic life. I know, I know...everyone is busy. I hate to toot my own horn, but sometimes I don't know how I do it! Like I literally sit sometimes and wonder what it'd be like to have a "normal" life. To give some of you the idea...I work from 9am-1pm at a local optometry office during the week, with Wednesdays off. I also teach at a local dance studio from 4 or 5pm until 9pm Monday through Thursdays, and from 9am to 2pm on Saturdays. I also co-direct the studios dance team which rehearses on Fridays from 5 to 8pm, and Saturdays from 330 to 630pm. Somewhere in between all that work, I have to find time to do the bookkeeping for the team and choreograph for my classes, find time to sleep, and spend some sort of time with Eric. Phew! I'm exhausted just listing it all out.

Needless to say this blog will not be one with posts every day. It is simply a release for me...so that when I have no one else to talk to on the rare chance I do have a minute, or I just need to jot a few things down so I don't lose track of my life...I can.

So here goes...

We've been actively trying to start our family since January. It hasn't been the easiest because if you know me at all, you know I consume myself with things when I want them badly enough. It's been a challenge seeing and hearing about everyone else's pregnancies around me (lord help me on facebook!), but I've managed to to stay pretty calm and collected over the last 4 (!!! holy cow, where did the time go?) months. Unfortunately, my thoughts and knowledge of my body were true, and in those 4 months, nothing has happened. That's right...no AF, no egg, just nothing. So on to the doc we went...

We met with our OB last Friday. She is super great and says it like it is, but without being rudely blunt or anything. Plan of attack is to take Provera for 10 days, then start on 50mg of Clomid. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I am really looking forward to seeing AF, and getting out of this cycle! I'm anxious to take the clomid and see if it actually works...it would be so nice to feel normal for once. If in a few months, there is still...nothing...we will go from there.

I don't want to be naive or anything, but in my gut, I feel like this will work...that the clomid is just the nudge my body needs to act normal. People always say to trust your gut, right? So we will see...for now all I can do is hope, and stay busy like I always am to keep my mind off that part of my life.